I've thought of my body in a unidimensional way for most of my adult life: a validation for my existence. Many years of my adulthood were consumed by an obsession with my appearance. My appearance-- my external representation of my being-- was my identity. The leaner I was, the more "toned" I was, the more worthy I saw myself. Thoughts about food and exercise occupied my brain. Almost every single decision I made revolved around my physical appearance. It was an obsession. A debilitating obsession.
But as years have passed, I've come to uncover who I am. I've come to realize there is (obviously) more to me than my physical self. I've consciously chosen to define myself by other qualities, qualities that are not visible to the eye. But in the back of my mind, the unhealthy relationship between myself and my body still exists. I still see exercise as a means to "improving" my appearance. I still view food as a way to manipulate my body. That all stops now.
Call it an epiphany, call it an awakening, call it whatever you want-- I had one last night. While watching Fittest On Earth: A Decade of Fitness, a documentary about the CrossFit games (which I 100% recommend if you want something inspiring and mind-blowing), I realized there is more than one way to see my body. Let me explain.
Following the journeys of the current elite CrossFit athletes revealed a new way of viewing the human body: honoring it for its functionality and pushing it to its athletic limits. How one looks is secondary to how one performs. What a revolutionary concept.
I've recognized that the human body, my human body, is a miracle. The way everything functions in unity, the way it heals, the way it grows is nothing short of a miracle. But for some reason, I couldn't value it for something other than its appearance.
I always viewed fitness as a tool to shape and mold my body. Strength gains were secondary. The functional aspects were unimportant to me. But now I recognize the beauty in fitness and health isn't in how your body physically changes, but in how its capabilities and functions are challenged and optimized.
My fitness goals are no longer related to my appearance. Instead, they're performance related.
I've never defined myself as an athlete, but I think I now understand what it's like to have an athlete mindset. Your body is a machine: an ever-evolving, limitless machine. Sure, a six-pack and well-defined delts are beautiful, but to me, the unlimited capacity to develop your agility, strength, endurance, speed, and balance is even more beautiful.
The fact that our bodies are capable of doing crazy, wild, superhuman things is humbling and honorable. I'd much rather focus on that aspect of my body instead of purely the physical. I'd much rather define myself by my physical abilities than my physical appearance. I see it as doing my body justice to recognize it and celebrate it for its capacities to perform remarkable feats.
I want to push it. I want to challenge it. I want to see what my body is truly capable of. I never gave it a chance to show me what it truly to has to offer because for so long, I only saw and valued it for its physical self. From now on out every workout is an opportunity to redefine the possible.
Honor the skin you are in. Admire the home you've always had. Recognize its potential. Push it to its limits. Redefine those limits.